Tug-of-war is just one of those games that you have to put your all into if you want to gain any ground. Do you remember trying to get that other team over the line? Man, there was grunting and groaning, yanking and being yanked, sore legs and arms, rope burns, and a lot of sweat. However, have you ever thought about what would happen if your team were to start pulling the same direction as the other team? How about if both teams just dropped the rope all together? Would that change the dynamics of the game? Absolutely! There really wouldn't be a tug-of-war any more, would there? There must be a pull in the opposite direction in order to play tug-of-war. You know, confrontation is just like the game of tug-of-war: two or more people are needed to play the game, and there needs to be movement in opposite directions. Sometimes tension is created because there is a difference of opinion; sometimes the tension is created by sin. With this in mind, let's look at some Biblical examples of confrontation, both destructive and beneficial.

The first example we will look at is the confrontation of opinions between Barnabas and Paul in Acts 15. Paul had suggested revisiting the churches that were started on the first missionary journey. Barnabas agreed and thought it would be good to take John Mark with them. When Barnabas informed Paul that John Mark would be traveling with them, Paul resisted. Paul remembered John Mark's abandoning them on the first missionary journey at Perga of Pamphilia and his returning to Jerusalem (Acts 13:13). Paul did not want to give him a second chance, but Barnabas thought otherwise. The Bible says that the disagreement was so sharp between them that they went their separate ways. Barnabas took John Mark with him to Cyprus, and Paul took a man named Silas with him to travel through Syria and Cilicia.

Was this good or bad confrontation? Did either Paul or Barnabas sin in their attitudes or decisions because of this conflict? There was a strong difference of opinion between Paul and Barnabas for good reasons. Which side would you be on? Why? Some would say to give John Mark a second chance. He messed up the first time but wanted to do what's right now! Others would say, “He is undependable, and even though he is repentant, we cannot trust that he won't split on us again!” Before we try to reach a conclusion on this type of confrontation, let us examine the way a person should behave in confrontation.

Notice that the Bible says that their disagreement was sharp, but the Bible does not say that they attacked each other's character or that they had bad attitudes. The way you confront is just as important as resolving the confrontation. A person could be pulling in the right direction, but the way he is pulling could be unethical and not God-honoring. When in a confrontation, it is easy to let your emotions take over and attack the other person, saying things and acting in a way that you will regret afterwards.

Now, concerning the actual confrontation, there is room to agree to disagree. Humility is a major part of resolving conflicting opinions. Paul and Barnabas at some point had to come to the realization that it would not be possible nor productive for each one to continue to try to persuade the other that he was right. At some point, they both had to agree that they were not accomplishing anything by the confrontation but needed go their separate directions (literally). They both dropped the rope instead of holding on to try to pull the other person to their side.

On the other hand, there is confrontation when you must hold onto the rope and pull in the right direction and that is when you confront sin. Timothy is commanded by Paul in I Timothy 5:20 to rebuke, in front of everyone, those who continue to sin so that everyone else will see and fear. Timothy needed to pick up the rope and pull in God's direction of righteousness, knowing at times that some in the church would resist because they loved their sin and would pull back. This is when the battle can intensify, and both the person who is sinning and the confronter can either please or disgrace God. As a Christian, it is your duty to confront your brothers or sisters when they are practicing sin (1 Corinthians 5; 2 Thessalonians 3). You must pull the rope! If they pull back, don't let go! They will want to go their own way, but by God's grace, they, with a broken spirit, will concede to God's way and He will be glorified. However, if the person is a scoffer (one who mocks righteousness), the Bible commands that you do not even start pulling the rope, but seek somehow to drive that one away unless his or her heart changes (Proverbs 9:8; 22:10). As the confronter, you must be cautious that you are in the right and then handle the confrontation the right way.

Another Biblical scenario is the second time Moses was to give water to the children of Israel during their wilderness wanderings. He struck the rock in frustration instead of speaking to it as God had commanded him (Numbers 20:10-12). It was the children of Israel who were in the wrong having complained about the lack of water. However, because Moses disobeyed out of frustration at Israel's sin, he was punished for his disobedience and was not allowed into the Promised Land. The confronter can be guilty of sin by the way he confronts just as much as the one needing confrontation.

We have examined two types of confrontation. The first being confrontation because of a difference of opinions, and the second being confrontation over wickedness. We have also seen that the way you deal with confrontation is just as important as solving the confrontation.

How about you? Do you exercise humility when you have a difference of opinion with someone? What about when you see your brothers and sisters in Christ in sin? Do you keep silent or are you willing to put your relationship at stake to pull them back toward righteousness? Are you guilty of confronting in the wrong manner, thus disobeying the Lord just as the person you are confronting? How do you react when you are confronted about your sin? Do you react as a scoffer or as one who is wise and accepts rebuke? Let us apply these principles about confrontation and use godly discernment to know the right way and the right time to play tug-of-war.

Pastor Chris Koehn
College Pastor