I took my family to the Grand Canyon for a couple of days in March. Both my kids are natives of Arizona, yet David, who is nearly 18, and Sara, who is 16, had never been to that "big hole" in the ground in our state. They have traveled with me around the world and our country, but never to the Grand Canyon. We thought with David leaving home for the Air Force Academy very soon, we couldn’t let him get away without seeing this great work of God in his back yard.

While on that trip I picked up a copy of the Arizona Republic. I read an article about the fears of our government regarding "homegrown" terrorists. These are terrorists that grew up in America and are American citizens. Obviously, they are harder to stop and find because they are American citizens. The article goes on to detail how terrorists are making great strides in recruiting Americans in two places to kill other Americans. Those two places are in the prison community and on college campuses. I immediately thought, "they are recruiting among the disenchanted and idealists." But as I read further a more important statement appeared. It stated, "Extremists ‘manipulate social situations to create perceptions of victimization.’"

In other words, terrorists target Americans for recruitment to their hideous schemes who are either societal outcasts or naively idealistic. Then through social friendships and family ties they convince these people that they and their family are victims of mean and unfair people who deserve to be destroyed.

For the last twenty years my wife and I have been engaged in full-time vocational ministry. I grew up in an evangelist’s home and traveled extensively as a child with my parents. I have watched this same "terrorist" scenario play itself out in one church after another and one school after another. People will use family and friendship circles to attack and demonize godly leaders, generally when they are told, "no" and typically when they are told, "no" about their children or grandchildren.

Be careful of cultivating children who whine and complain. Be careful of buying into the child’s victimization whining! If you allow a child to whine when he or she is young, you will have a "homegrown" terrorist later in life. They will have learned that they can manipulate you into thinking they are a victim of something or someone else. Don’t reward your children when they whine! When I was young and I complained, my mom always said, "what did you do to start it?" My response would be, "nothing, mom, honest." She would generally turn on her heel and walk away, saying, "when you are ready to tell me what you did, then we can talk about fixing the problem." I would get so mad at my godly mother. She was supposed to be on "my side," but even though I didn’t realize it, in reality, she was on my side. She knew that whatever little issue I was whining about at the time was of little importance, but learning the lesson of taking complete responsibility and not "playing the victim" was of a greater importance for my service to the King.

I have had the privilege of interacting with hundreds of family systems in my office through the years. I have watched a generation grow up. Parents who allow their children to whine and play the victim only create spiritual terrorists in the teen and young adult years. These "homegrown terrorists" will often be the cause of parents leaving churches, leaving the Lord’s work, and sometimes even dividing and destroying churches. Don’t let someone exploit you through "social situations to create a perception of victimization."

Michael D. Sproul, D.Min.
Senior Pastor